Hard Conversations

Adjusting to the news that Mom is in the end stages of her disease has been difficult. When we received that news last Thursday, we were all pretty devastated. It was wonderful how in the next few days she began to improve and is now at home.

We don't know how long or short our time is together, but we'll enjoy our time together, knowing it is a gift. I guess for all of us that is true, whether you have cancer or not, because you never know when God will call you home.

Mom was tired yesterday, so she was resting a lot on the couch. She is really enjoying a wonderful surprise some friends secretly planned for her birthday. We're not quite sure who started this, but on Wednesday, Mom walked to the mail box to get mail with Aunt Wilma (gotta keep those bowels moving!), and lo and behold, there was a huge stack of birthday cards! It is her birthday on Friday, and someone has organized a birthday card campaign! So Mom has lined all these cards up on the piano. When I skyped her on Wednesday, she had turned her pillow to the other side of the couch so she could see them all. What a fun thing! Mom is enjoying every moment.

Other good news from yesterday: Harmony and Marco are coming home early! They were able to switch tickets and organize a million things to facilitate a long trip with a family of five. We want to enjoy time together as a family.

When we heard Mom's bad news last Thursday, Harmony sat down with her girls to tell them that Grandma wasn't doing so well. Harmony said we could share her blog post here:

I don't know if all children are like mine or if I've just been specially chosen but my kids say the darndest things and ask the most jaw dropping questions!

I had to have a really hard conversation with my girls today. I'm a big believer in being honest and upfront with your kids and things that are going on, but telling them things at their level. So, when I got the news that my mom had been admitted to the hospital and things weren't looking good, I had to figure out a way to tell my kids.

What I find hardest about these conversations is that you never can guess which way they're going to go. And, with my girls, that's especially true.

Here's a few golden gems from our conversation today:
Me: Girls, grandma is really sick. She's had to go to the hospital and she might die soon.
pause. breathe.
Kelsey: Will Grandpa marry a new wife?
WHAT?! Seriously, that's her first questions? 
pause. breathe. look at her funny.
Kelsey: well, your grandpa married a new wife when your grandma died.
Me: yeah, well, not yet. maybe. I don't know. grandma's not dead yet.
Kelsey: well, maybe Grandma will rise again from the dead like Jesus.
Me: no. It doesn't work like that. Jesus rose from the dead because he's God. Grandma's not God. But Grandma will get to go and live with Jesus in Heaven.
pause. breathe.
Kelsey: oh cool. She'll get to see the holes in Jesus' hands and feet. I can't wait till I die and get to see what Jesus looks like. (by the way, she thinks Jesus looks like Eli from the Max Lucado kids books)

Yikes. So, then we got onto a conversation about how we don't want to die, but if we love Jesus while we're living, then we can go and live with him in heaven, after we die, when we're old. Which also led to talking about how we all are going to die, we can't live forever.. oh boy. this was supposed to be an easy conversation. Every time I said something about dying when you're old, Kelsey would interject that sometimes babies die. Oh boy. panic mode setting in.  At which point Morgan burst into tears. After some gentle, "what's wrong Morgy?" prodding. She answered, "Kelsey's my best friend and I don't want to die and leave her." Gotcha. Note to self: Don't have conversations with the sensitive one at the same time as with the curious one.

I suspect we'll be having a lot more conversations like this one. I hope they show a progression in their thoughts though... I don't think I can handle too many more questions like these..
Harmony

Harmony told Mom about this when she was in the hospital, and Mom really enjoyed hearing about Kelsey's reactions, and wanted to share it here. The reality is, all of us die, and sometimes you get to talk about it ahead of time, and sometimes you don't.  And sometimes, the conversations don't go as expected. Especially with kids!

Though we may be sad at times, we are not without hope, or joy, or laughter. Job 19:25 (NIV) says: "I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand on the earth." More about this another day. Mom has much she wants to share about this.

Thanks for the cards, those who sent cards! We're looking forward to celebrating Mom's birthday this weekend. And Happy Birthday to Grandpa (Dad's dad) today!