Well done

I want to close this blog with one final post (unless Dad wants to add more about the funeral later). Mom is done her journey, and has arrived home with Jesus. Today we celebrated her life at the funeral.

Thank you for everyone who participated in some way, and comforted and cared for us in many countless ways. To those who came to the visitation (and waited in a long, uncomfortable line), thank you. To those who came to the funeral, thank you. I realize sharing in the journey of grief is difficult. For those who were able to walk with us today, thank you. I know I have sometimes shied away from visitations and funerals as they are hard events, and I so appreciate the effort so many made to grieve with us.

Today, there were many tears, but also much joy. We started the funeral service by playing the worship video on the previous post "I will rise." Before, when I listened to this song, tears rolled down my cheeks at the difficult thought of my mom dying. Today, we worshiped with it and joy flooded my heart, because I knew Mom was now with Jesus. No more sorrow, no more pain. The difficult journey we made together is complete, and we safely delivered her into the arms of Jesus. Well done, good and faithful servant. Mom endured to the end, and we were able to hold her hands and pray her into the kingdom as she took her last breaths. At times it seemed impossible that we would endure, yet God helped us and taken Mom to safety in Him. Joy.

This verse has been running through my head often over the last couple of days: "The Lord is gracious and kind, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love."

To each funeral program was attached the beads that Fellowship of Christian Farmers gives out at farming events, beads that simply and beautifully explain the gospel story, how God's gift of salvation gives us life here, and everlasting life in heaven. Dad explained the beads to everyone. Then we sang some of Mom's favourite hymns together. Dad sang strongly beside me, and it was beautiful.

Mary and Rue, Mom's friends, shared stories of Mom. Then some of us in the family got up to share stories of Mom. We cried lots, but also laughed at stories of Mom's antics. A sermon pointed us to Jesus, and then we went to the cemetery. Perhaps I've forgotten something? My kids and I and Paul emptied a kleenex box, then filled it with soppy tissues.

At the cemetery, Willemina (dad's cousin) sang a beautiful blessing over us, a song by Michael Card "The Lord Bless You and Keep You." We prayed. Then together we sang a song that is very meaningful to us in the Dutch community: "Ere Zij God." Comforting to sing this old familiar chorus of praise "Glory to God and peace to men on earth...." Then the kids released some colourful helium balloons, a symbol of Mom's childlike heart and love for her grand kids. Close friends of mine who have walked with me through these four years stood with me at the graveside. It was so comforting to be surrounded by friends and family for this difficult task.

The gravestone was already there, as Mom and Dad had taken care of that a while back. The plot is right beside Uncle Paul and Jeremy, who died in a car accident about 17 years ago. That is Aunt Wilma's husband and son.  It was sad to also remember them as we stood there with Mom's casket. It was also close to my grandmother's grave. And Uncle Albert's. We shall see them all someday soon. Sometimes it feels like eternity is rushing towards us faster than we're ready for it.

Thank you to all who have been with us through all of this. We thank you for your love and support and prayers. Mom, we know you're running and leaping in heaven, in perfect joy.

Mom's gone home

Mom passed away this morning around 10:30 am. Dad and I were holding her hands and Aunt Wilma and Tanya were rubbing her feet. It went quick and peacefully. 

We are busy working on arrangements. The visitation will be tomorrow and the funeral on Wednesday (details in the obituary below). There is comfort here as we gather together.

Mom said months ago that she was looking forward to getting to heaven, when Jesus would give her a hug and wipe away all her tears and pain. She also said the first thing she wanted to do was to jump in the river of life and wipe away all her pain and sickness.

Obituary for Tina Visscher

Psalm 27:4 One thing have I desired of the Lord, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Entered her rest peacefully on September 24, 2012, Tina Cornelia (Vanderlaan) Visscher in her 66th year after a long journey with ovarian cancer.

Loved wife of Bert Visscher.

Loving mother of Henrietta Visscher; Jeanette and Paul Duncan; Peter and Sandra Visscher; Tanya and Pete Janssen; Harmony and Marco de Boer; and Marianne and Josh Byberg.

Adoring grandmother of: Dakota; Natalie and Marika; AJ, Ella and Mina; Andrew, Robert, Anna and James; Kelsey, Morgan and Owen; and Cohen.

Survived by siblings Sadie and Henry Post; Wendy and William Westerik; Jean Vanderlaan; Wilma Truemner; Mary and John Van Es; and many nieces and nephews. Daughter-in-law of Piet and Julie Visscher.

Predeceased by parents Ubel and Henny Vanderlaan, brothers Albert and Eddy and an infant sister, brother-in-law Paul and nephew Jeremy Truemner, mother-in-law Willy Visscher.

Visitation will be held at Haskett Funeral Homes, 370 William Street, Exeter, on Tuesday, September 25 from 2pm-4pm and 7pm-9pm. Funeral service on Wednesday, September 25 at 11am at Exeter Christian Reformed Church, 330 Huron Street West, Exeter, Pastors Bob Loohuizen and John Baker of Exeter Pentecostal Church officiating. Interment at Exeter Cemetery; luncheon to follow at Exeter Christian Reformed Church.

Donations to Canadian Cancer Society, Fellowship of Christian Farmers, or the charity of your choice.

Tina loved gardening and photographing birds. Her computer is full of photos she took of her beautiful flower gardens and close-ups of many birds. She enjoyed and marveled in God’s creation, and above all, she loved God. She worked faithfully in the family business, Visscher Farms, as office manager and bookkeeper, and raised six kids. She cooked dinner every night. In her younger years she played the organ at church. She was active in the Missions committee at her church, and went on many mission trips. She delighted in her grand kids, and especially loved giving them jelly beans. Her sense of fun was evident throughout her life, in particular when she did clowning to entertain kids. She was a good listener, and often encouraged other people. Throughout her four-year journey with cancer, she clung to Jesus and persisted in her faith, and was an example to many people. She will be greatly missed by her friends and family, but we release her to the care of Jesus in heaven.

Changes

Things have changed so much in one week.

Last weekend was a big change for Mom. She began to sleep more, and we realized that our window of being able to talk with Mom was growing smaller. Many of us siblings were able to come visit with her last weekend. It was tiring, but ok with Mom. My kids said Grandma seemed tired and less able to smile. She was able to talk and engage with us.

Today, I put my ear right in front of her lips in order to hear her whisper. She is not able to move around much. She can't use the walker anymore. This morning she sat on it and we used it as a wheelchair to move her. There have been big changes in one week.

Mom is sleeping most of the time, and we realized this week that she is detaching from us. This is common in the dying process, but it caught us a bit off guard earlier this week. She isn't interested in conversations or joking. Palliative care books have compared the dying process to having a baby. There comes a point in labour where the mother shuts out the world around her as she focuses on birthing the baby. Helpful husbands are swatted away. In the same way, the dying person has a small focus, busy preparing for death inside, but not communicating this to the people around. Lots of noise and conversations are bothersome. So we're doing our best to give Mom a quiet room. We are normally a noisy family, so now we are learning to talk quietly around her and we try to limit our conversations to simple things like "I love you" or meeting her physical needs.

This has been hard (many tears!). We think ahead of Mom going to heaven. I like this verse in John 14. The subtitle in the NIV version of the bible is "Jesus comforts his disciples." I think he comforts us too when he says, "Don't let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My father's house has many rooms. If this were not so, would I tell you I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me, that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."

A Distant Perspective

Harmony here (in New Zealand). I asked if I could write a guest post, from a distant perspective.

Time and time again since mom’s diagnosis, it’s been said to me, “It must be so hard to be so far away during this time.” Yes. And no.

Yes, it’s been hard. Yes, I often wish I could just go sit with mom for an hour. Many times, especially in the first few years, I felt like I was sitting here in my corner of the world, bored, while everyone else was so busy and struggling to find time to help mom. I couldn’t help but feel like it was so unfair. I should be there doing stuff. Instead, I was here, not able to do anything.

But I would never say that it’s been harder to be far away than for those that live close. Honestly, I can often “forget” that my mom is sick. We’d Skype regularly, and frankly, we’d both be at our best. We’d both be smiling. We would both only show our faces, so I could never see the physical ailments. Also, because I can’t go help, I also haven’t had to change my life. My siblings are forced to juggle their careers, their families, and find time to help where needed. All I have to do is pick up my ipod once in a while and Skype. So, while I feel helpless that I can’t go, I also don’t have to sacrifice anything to help.

One of the hardest things about living so far away is that I feel like I was constantly asking, “Should I come?” Often the information that I received was filtered: filtered through positive thoughts; filtered through a mother wanting to protect her kids; filtered through just not knowing what questions to ask; filtered through not really wanting to know the answers. However, that often made it difficult to truly discern what was going on.

When mom was first diagnosed, it was scary. At first, I just knew mom wasn’t feeling well. Then she was going through tests. Then they thought it might be cancer. Then she started chemo. I wanted a timeline. I wanted a number. Was it Stage 1? Stage 4? Did she have a month? Five years? Where was it? What was going on?

Should I come?

Each time that mom started chemo again, I asked again, “Is it time, should I come?”

Over the past four years, I’ve been blessed beyond measure that I’ve been able to go four times. The first time was a fun surprise visit for just two weeks for me and Kelsey. The second time was when Morgan was five months old, during mom’s birthday, my birthday and mother’s day. That was the year the lilac bush was in full bloom. We came again one year later, also for mother’s day, mom’s birthday and my birthday. And finally, two years later, we came to introduce Owen and to say good bye. In May this year, mom went into the hospital and I was forced to ask again, “Should I come?”

The last visit was hard. Not lying. However, it was also a bit surreal. Everyone had been praying that mom would have a good visit with us, and frankly, she was doing so well (or just presented a brave front) that it was hard to really believe that this would probably be the last hug with my mom on this side of heaven.

But that’s just it. I will see my mom again. This life is just temporary. This is just my temporary home. We are all just visitors here. Like a great long holiday. And I know where my eternal home is. I serve a Great God who’s promised me that he’s preparing a home for me. I know that he’s putting the finishing touches on my mom’s new home. I imagine that the angels are busy making sure the lupins are blooming (they’ll never actually die), the lilac bush is smelling, well, heavenly, and the birds are perched perfectly singing His praises. I imagine the golden sidewalks are being polished and Jesus is about to welcome my mom with open arms. She’ll be pain free, and she’ll never again think she’s fat but will know how beautiful she really is. She’ll be able to dance and sing and play amazing music without needing to read the music.

So, is it hard to be so far away? Yes. And No. What is distance anyway? After all, at the moment we’re only an ocean apart and I know that my mom loves me more than the ocean. But even more than that, I know that my God’s loves for me is unfathomably more than the ocean. And nothing can separate us from that love, not even death. I’ll see you again, Mom, in our eternal home.

the weekend

I went to Mom's this weekend, and that was good. Mom had a bad night Friday night - lots of vomiting. I was sleeping in the other room, and I felt really bad when I got up to discover the night she'd had. Dad drained 2 liters off her abdomen, and then we called the nurse. Long story short, Mom is now on a new med for nausea. This is administered through sub-cutaneous port, so Mom has yet another tube in her arm. But it seems to be helping with the nausea.

Mom is sleeping a lot more - the med makes her sleepy - and it also makes her more wobbly, so she now needs someone with her all the time to prevent falls. We have to lift her up to standing position, and she can use her walker. Everything is very tiring for Mom, and she drifts off to sleep a lot. We did go for a walk in the beautiful weather yesterday afternoon when Paul and the girls came to visit. Most of the siblings dropped in on the weekend, so that was nice.

The living room is re-arranged with the hospital bed in it, and it is surprisingly cosy. The bed is next to Mom's Lazyboy chair, with her table between, so she doesn't have to move her iPad or water glass if she wants to switch between the chair or the bed. Mom still finds the chair more comfortable than the bed.

Pray for strength and the presence of Jesus with Mom, and everyone else in their home.
Thanks,
Jeanette

Another Update

I've been struggling to know what to write. Do I want to describe the step-by-step progression of the disease? It's sad and hard for us, let alone for others. And Mom instructed me a couple of days ago that I wasn't to put anything sad on the blog, because it makes people sad. :) So I wonder, what details should I share, while still protecting Mom's dignity?

Yet I realize we have many friends and family who love us and support us. So I will do my best to share to help you pray with us.

Truth be told, we need the presence of Jesus with us through these days. It's getting harder. Mom's been having more bad days than good days. The disease is progressing. Mom is having a harder time getting around, and more days of nausea and pain. Her voice is softer, and she just doesn't have that much energy.

Last week Thursday (Sept 6) we had a meeting with CCAC (nurses, nurse manager, case manager) to discuss Mom's care in the upcoming weeks. They told us what services were available. They also arranged to have an Occupational Therapist come in, with the result that on Wednesday a whole bunch of new stuff was delivered: a walker, bars for the toilet, and a new mattress for her hospital bed. This is a mattress that has air in it, so it is much more comfortable.

Yesterday (Thursday) wasn't a great day. Mom was very nauseous, so she took some gravol, but it made her fall asleep while she had visitors. She felt bad about that, but there was nothing she could do about it. I talked to her on the phone last night, and she told me she is getting tired of moving her books and ipad around when she goes to take a rest in the bedroom, so she wants to move the hospital bed out to the living room. Dad and Aunt Wilma are planning to tackle that today. Mom will be able to watch her birds in the living room. Mom has two bird feeders on the front bay window, and several more hanging in the trees nearby. It's always fun to watch the birds.
Thanks for your prayers,
Jeanette

Good Days, Bad Days

The oncologist told Mom this week that she will have a mix of good days and bad days. The day she saw the doctor, it was a bad day. She was vomiting constantly. Mom wanted to cancel the appointment, but when the nurses heard she was vomiting, they asked her to come in anyways. They found her a bed, gave her an iv, and checked her over for a bowel obstruction. Nothing major to worry about at this time. The doctor said Mom's gut is full of cancer, and things just don't work very well anymore. And he said she doesn't need to try to come in to London again, as the trip is too long and tiring. They will coordinate her care with her doctor in Exeter.

Mom is weakening, which is hard to see. She says, "I used to have such a good body." Mom and Dad always went for nice walks, but now we take her to the mailbox in the wheelchair. It's hard to adjust to this. I said to her the other day, "Well, hopefully tomorrow you'll feel stronger." But Mom said, "I'm afraid that isn't the way it is going." And she is right - the doctor said she won't be regaining the strength she is losing. I have to find new ways to comfort. We are used to saying to a sick person some variation of  "Tomorrow you will feel better." But that doesn't quite work for a person whose body is slowly shutting down.

Though I have seen other cancer patients go into the slow wasting phase at the end of their disease, to be honest, I didn't expect this with Mom. In May, when Mom went into the hospital, it appeared that a bowel obstruction would be her "exit." A bowel obstruction is a crisis. Everyone expected that the bowel obstruction would come back, as they usually flip between partial and total. Then Mom came home from the hospital, and we had some wonderful family time together. But now she is weakening. The catheter has been a good improvement on Mom's quality of life, but when they drain her abdomen to make her more comfortable, they are also taking nutrients away from her body (the ascites is rich in protein and other nutrients). So her muscles are getting weaker. Her feet and legs have also started to swell recently. It is an adjustment to get used to this new phase.

To be honest, I kind of expected Mom to go out in a blaze of glory, not slowly dwindle away with many sick and uncomfortable days. Kind of like Elijah in the Bible, who didn't die but got taken up to heaven in a blazing chariot. We've had days when Mom and I have cried on Skype together because it is a bad day and it just seems so difficult. On those days, we long for Jesus to take her to heaven. I now understand the spiritual "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot." (Swing Low, Sweet chariot, Coming for to carry me home...). It's a prayer, and a plea. Does Mom have to go through months of suffering, or can Jesus just send his chariot to carry her home?

I was talking about this with Mom the other day, and Mom reminded me of the verse in Jeremiah 29:  "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope." And she said that if God is choosing to keep her here, that He must still have plans for her to fulfill before she is done her earthly journey. And she rests her hope in that.

But though we have some bad days, we also have good days. On a good day, Mom enjoys watching the birds and her flowers. And she even managed to have a really fun day this week! Mom went to an anniversary celebration from several friends, Jake & Alice Bosch and Marg & Kees Vandaalen. They were all married the same year. On the menu was salad (with other food), which Mom can't have, so she invited Aunt Jean to come along as her "Salad Eater." Then, because it was the 41st anniversary, and Paper is for the first anniversary, they decided to make a paper bag for Aunt Jean's head, labeling her as the official "Salad Eater." They neglected to put holes in the bag, so they had to lead Aunt Jean in. Anyways, they had a lot of fun with that. That was a good day! They laughed so much and had fun together with their crazy antics. I'll put some photos of that below, and also of Mom enjoying her flowers.

Mom is resting more, and has more appointments at home with the nurse, so if you wish to visit, please call ahead. We appreciate your prayers through this time of tough days and also good days. Thank you,
Jeanette 

The paper anniversary gift bag, for Aunt Jean. 
Aunt Wilma made this (yes, she is talented!)

Fitting Aunt Jean.

They forgot to add eye-holes so they had to lead her around.

Mom and her flowers.

New Catheter

Mom is getting used to her new catheter. It isn't in the most convenient place (right at her waist line) so she is having to figure out how to wear clothes around it. Nausea continues to be a problem for Mom.

I was talking to Mom on Skype a few days ago, and Dad came on, triumphantly informing me that he has something most men do not have - the ability to have a thinner wife anytime he wants. "All I have to do is open her drain," he told me, "and I get a thinner wife." Ha ha, Dad!

That reminded me of the time about 25 years ago when Mom and Dad decided to lose weight together. Dad is usually very competitive, and since men lose weight far easier than women, after some discussion they decided that this would be a different kind of contest, where they encourage each other instead of race to the finish line. So they did the big weigh-in, and all that week, Dad was losing weight like crazy, and Mom wasn't losing much at all. She was getting pretty frustrated. Later Dad confessed that before his first weigh-in, he had drank as much water as he could, making himself much heavier. No wonder he was losing weight so fast!

With the new catheter, the ascites can be drained at home (saving Mom a trip to the hospital) and it can also be drained more frequently. That should make Mom more comfortable. The fluid weighs a little over 2 pounds per liter, so I think Mom could beat Dad in a weight-loss contest now. :)

You can pray that the incision site heals up ok, that Mom gets used to the mechanics of the catheter, and that Mom's nausea goes away. She also feels quite weak. As always, thank you for your prayers!

Below is a video of one of Mom's favourite worship songs, and some photos.

Home again

Mom came home yesterday afternoon and had a good night. Dad said she is comfortable. Pray that the incision site heals up well.

Procedure done

Mom had a drain put into her abdomen this morning. It was not a pleasant procedure but it went well. Mom is in recovery right now and is booked to stay overnight. Pray that Mom recovers ok from this and has a good night.
Thanks, Jeanette

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Dad goes to have his wisdom tooth pulled tomorrow, so don't ask him any deep questions after that.

Mom had another paracentesis (draining of fluid) today in Exeter Hospital. They removed three liters of fluid.   They were hesitant to remove more because Mom is scheduled to have a permanent drain put in on Monday morning. We aren't sure if this is the best option, so we covet your prayers in this decision making process. Mom is very tired and is not feeling well. Thank you for your prayers.

She asked me to put one of her favourite psalms on here to share with you. Lord, be close to Mom and to each one of us.

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

¹ I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
² My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

⁷ The Lord will keep you from all harm —
    he will watch over your life;
⁸ the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

Today I went to Mom's house to even out the caregiver to patient ratio. Aunt Wilma says we are only allowed one patient per house, and Dad has been battling more tooth problems. He was actually ok today (cutting the lawn when I got there) but spent Saturday in bed. He has an infection in his mouth that needs to be cleared up by Friday, when he will have a wisdom tooth removed. Dad says if he continues losing teeth at this rate, he will be out of teeth by his birthday. He's had four out already and three cavities filled, and complications several times. So pray that he will soon feel better.

Mom hasn't been well this week. She is very tired and lacking energy. Her stomach is uncomfortably full again. She is going to try to wait for Thursday for another paracentesis (draining of fluid) but is prepared to go to London if she needs it earlier. These aren't easy days for Mom. She feels nauseous a lot and it is a struggle to keep her gut working. Pray for strength and encouragement for Mom.

Mom wishes she could write something, but wants to say, "Thank you" to everyone for all their prayers and support. It means so much. Today we opened an exciting package in the mail - the photo book we made. In it we put photos from Mom's birthday parties and the blessings we've had over the last several months. It is amazing to look back and see the many answers to prayer - a great birthday, being together with ALL our family, family photos, and much time together. We are very grateful.

It is a great thing to remember and know what God has done for us. But looking ahead to the future isn't as easy. It's hard to imagine what will happen in the days to come, or how we will get through it. Mom can so quickly feel much worse, as the bowel obstruction acts up. I struggle to tame my anxiety at times. But our God who has been with us in the past will also be with us in the days to come. Thank you for your prayers.

Yay for good doctors!

Mom wasn't well overnight. She was very uncomfortable, with a lot of pain and this morning she started vomiting. Typical symptoms for a bowel obstruction. So the nurse came this morning and checked Mom over. She recommended Mom go into Exeter hospital. I happened to be coming here this morning, so I went with Mom, along with Aunt Wilma and Dad (yes, Mom has an entourage).

The staff at the hospital took very good care of Mom. They right away got a bed for Mom. She had an xray, which showed a partial bowel obstruction. Mom's stomach was very distended, and we felt she needed another draining of the fluid (paracentesis). Thankfully, an oncologist from London was on call at the hospital, and he was able to do this right away, without a long bumpy trip to London. With a minimum of discomfort, he took 4.3 liters of fluid out of her abdomen. Mom is feeling a lot better now. We also found out that this doctor is in every Thursday, so that gives Mom some security to know she can see this doctor locally, without always going to London.

At first we thought Mom would have to stay overnight in the hospital, but the doctor said Mom was fine to go home. He adjusted some of Mom's meds, but let her come home this afternoon. Mom has a hospital bed at home now to keep her comfortable at night. When her tummy is full of fluid, it is a little harder to breathe, so the hospital bed elevates her head and helps her sleep better.

So we're thankful for great care at the hospital. Mom is tired now but we are hoping she will have a better night tonight. Thanks for your ongoing prayers.

Below are some pictures of Mom's sisters canning beans last week. I had called that day to say hi but it was too noisy to actually talk to Mom. Those sisters of hers are noisy with their giggling and cackling. :) I do have great aunts. They canned lots of beans that day, which Mom can eat.

A Draining Day

Mom had a draining day today - quite literally! Her tummy has grown large with ascites, the fluid from cancer. She had an uncomfortable night last night and ended up sleeping in her chair. So this morning she called the cancer clinic in London, and they called her back shortly and said, "Come right in!" Thankfully Mom was mostly ready to go, and Dad had stayed around waiting for the call.

By this afternoon,  the doctor had drained about 3 liters of fluid from her abdomen. The staff take an ultrasound of her abdomen to determine the spot to drain. The doctor then applies some freezing before inserting a needle in the right spot. They were pleased to get that amount of fluid. Last time Mom went to get drained, the fluid shifted between the ultrasound and the needle insertion, so they weren't able to drain much. We are thankful they were able to drain so much fluid today - it should relieve the pressure in her abdomen. One of the first times Mom had this procedure done a year or so ago, Dad asked her how she felt as they were driving home. She said, "I feel drained" and they burst out laughing. Mom's tired tonight, but hopefully she will soon feel much better.

Mom and Dad have been enjoying sitting outside in the evenings (the photo below was taken at family camping by Darlene of Jakal photography, but that's about how they look at home too!) One evening, they saw a bluebird, which is still quite rare in this area. Of course, Mom got a photo of it!

The bluebird

The view Mom and Dad have of their garden at home.

Mom loves taking photos of her birds and flowers. Recently, I made a photo book for Mom of the last several months. As I sorted through files of photos from different dates, the thing that made me laugh was that every single file has photos of flowers and birds in it. Doesn't matter if it's "Cohen's birthday" or "Bird Show." There are just flowers in every file! I like that about Mom. Here are some photos she took:

A grosbeak

A wren (rare!)

Mom even took this photo! Just kidding. I'm guessing Aunt Wilma did. Mom's Big Red hibiscus is blooming right now. Every year we take photos with it because the blossoms are about the size of a person's head.

Thanks for your ongoing prayers through this season!

Ups and Downs

Well, it's amazing how things can flip flop so suddenly.

Last week we were basking in the good news from the doctor. Mom is stable and all is well.

Then, the nurse called with the results from the CA125 (the ovarian cancer marker). It had doubled in the last three weeks from 500 to over 1000. Not good. It means the disease is progressing. And Mom is noticing it - she is having more symptoms and more pain. Some of it seems to be a side effect from the antibiotic and some from the cancer - who knows. In the mean time, Mom and Dad were given some options to ponder - one route is chemo and the other is drugs that help control the symptoms.

The chemo options (three different kinds) all have significant side effects, like nausea, tiredness, diarrhea, and hair loss. Chemo is a good option when there is a chance of chasing back the disease. But it seems like too many side effects for too little gain. Chemo would mean times of illness, when Mom is already not feeling well, with little hope of results. So Mom and Dad made the difficult decision to say no to any more chemo.  As a result, they are transitioning into working more with the palliative care team at the hospital instead of the clinical trials team. This means getting used to who to call when for what medical issues. Pray for peace and wisdom for Mom and Dad as they maneuver this transition.  

I was thinking about this on my way home today after visiting, and I was thinking how it's just plain scary.  We don't know what lies ahead. We don't know the timing of anything, and we don't know what Mom's body is going to do. How much worse will it get? Will Mom be able to handle it? Will we be able to love and support her as she needs? I don't want to see Mom get more sick or have pain. 

Today Mom, Aunt Wilma and I were working on a photo album of the last several months. When Mom went into the hospital on May 2, it didn't look good. Mom asked the Lord for her birthday (65!) and to spend time altogether as a family. We had an amazing party for Mom and we enjoyed several weeks with Harmony and her family. Mom got to meet her youngest grandchild. We took great family photos with all of us together. God has been so faithful. Everything Mom asked for - and more - was given!


And as I drove home, worries swirling, I remembered that the Bible says that Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I realized that though we have fears for tomorrow, if I look back to yesterday, I see a photo album full of pictures showing the goodness of God. And the same loving God who was with us at Mom's wonderful birthday will also be with us as she gets more sick. He doesn't change. 


So I'm curious to see what this will look like in the days to come. I'd like to say I have faith that God will be with us through everything that lies ahead. I do believe that, but Lord, help me in my unbelief. You can pray that we as a family are aware of God with us every step of the way. Especially Mom and Dad.
Jeanette

Quiet times

Well, the parties are all done and the company's gone home. It has been a quiet time lately.

Harmony and Marco returned to New Zealand last Thursday (June 28). Harmony and Kelsey were throwing up the night before, but after the first flight they felt a bit better, though weak. After 37 hours of travelling, they arrived home! Though they are far from Canada, we can still skype with them. It certainly wasn't like that in the old days when Grandma and Grandpa first came to Canada in 1953. Then the minister prayed for them in church on Sunday, and they said goodbye to their family, not expecting to see them again. Though we miss Harmony and her family, we can skype them and talk face to face on our computers. It's not the same as being with them, but we are pretty blessed.

Mom got a cold on the Father's Day weekend, and has been fighting it since then. She has been coughing a lot, and the doctor has given her puffers and cough medicine. The coughing has left her tired, and she hasn't been up to doing much, mostly staying inside and resting.

Yesterday, I went to visit with my girls. It is summer holidays now, so we started out with a baking project the night before. I want to teach my girls some baking skills (whether they want to or not!). Marika made banana chocolate chip muffins ("Are you proud of me, Mom?") and Natalie and I tackled a lemon loaf, made with a yeast dough. We finished the lemon loaf and baked it at Mom's so we could eat it hot and fresh.

         

When we arrived yesterday, we first had coffee with banana muffins (thanks Marika!). Then Dad took the girls for a ride in the trailer behind the four-wheeler. Some whispering went on in the kitchen and then they were off. I just asked for no broken limbs. Well, anyone who knows my dad knows that he doesn't do anything half way. And life is always an adventure with him. They came back just before lunch and he sheepishly told us to come on the back deck. There were my girls, covered in clumps of thick sticky clay from head to toe. They had mud in their hair, on their faces, on their arms, legs, and their clothes were filthy. He'd taken them to the broccoli field nearby (how can he stay away from his farm!). They got an inch of rain that morning, and there happened to be some significant mud puddles, which he happened to drive through.

The dirt didn't show up too well on the photo, but it's there!       

After Dad hosed them off, the girls had showers and they put on bathing suits while we washed their clothes. Grandpa took them to the beach while their clothes were washed. And they learned that everything is an adventure with Grandpa. 

While Grandpa did that, Mom and I and Aunt Wilma worked on ordering photos from our photo shoot. Mom is eager to get the new family photos up on the wall. They were beautiful photos. We are thankful for Darlene from Jakal Photography who did the photos for Smiling Eyes. You can see Darlene's blog post about it here. Thank you so much, Darlene.

Mom went to the doctor today (her oncologist in London). He was very surprised at how well Mom is doing! She is very stable right now, being very careful what she eats to avoid bowel obstruction. He made a slight adjustment in her medications, but basically, all is stable. Her CA125 even came down three weeks ago from the time before! We don't know today's result yet, but the doctor was pleased. He approved a new antibiotic for Mom as her sinuses now seem to be infected with this cold. She is very tired and has been resting lots. But we are pleased. Mom has another appointment with the doctor in 4 weeks.

It is difficult facing the uncertainty sometimes. A friend at church just lost her mother, only five weeks after her cancer diagnosis. She barely had time to prepare for her final journey home. Yet we as a family have had lots of time to process Mom's illness and to cherish her. I was thinking about how death is so different for each person. None of us knows when we will die. For some of us, it comes suddenly and without warning. Others have more of an inkling how or when they will die. Yet for each of us, we should be prepared for our final journey home, whenever or however it may come. How do you prepare for death? You keep short accounts, and cherish your loved ones. Live each day to the full. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and strength. Do what matters.

Speaking of cherishing life, when we came home last night from Mom's, my hubbie had supper ready. I left a little late and traffic was heavy, and so it was 6:30 before we walked in the door. Paul surprised us with a beautiful candlelit supper. It's the little things like this that make all the difference. We know that the prayers and many gifts people have given Mom have made a world of difference, and we are thankful. Thanks for your support and your love.

Who can pass up Whopper Wednesday? The candles made me laugh and it was fun.

A squirrel at Mom's feeder. Hanging on!

Family photos

We got together this past weekend (Father's Day weekend) for camping at Peter and Sandra's property by St. Marys. A major part of the get together was a family photo shoot with Smiling Eyes, a charity that does photo shoots with families dealing with cancer. Darlene from Jakal Photography came bright and early Saturday morning and took photos of our family - an intimidating group of 27 people! I can't post all the photos on here as not everyone wants their family on a blog like this, but I can show you some! It all went very well, and we are very thankful for the gift of this photography session. The photos here are not from Darlene, but from other cameras that were around at the time.

Mom was not feeling well, but she managed to put on a smile for photos. Dad and Mom unfortunately got colds and have been very congested with those. In spite of that, we had a good time.

After having a rib extravaganza on Saturday evening, we had a church service with all the kids. Mom and Dad had found a book that was about who God is, and the author quoted 15 Bible verses. Mom and Dad have 15 grandchildren (including Baby Bump, not yet born), so they thought it was perfect. Each of the grandchildren (or their parents) read a verse in the story. Then we sang some hymns together. Mom read this poem to us:

The Elephant In The Room

By Terry Kettering

There’s and elephant in the room.
It is large and squatting, so it is hard to get around it.
Yet we squeeze by with “How are you?” and “I’m fine…
And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.
We talk about the weather.
We talk about work.
We talk about everything else…
Except the elephant in the room.
We all know it is there.
We are thinking about the elephant as we talk together.
It is constantly on our minds.
For, you see, it is a very big elephant.
It has hurt us all.
But we do not talk about the elephant in the room.
Oh, please, say her name.
Oh, please, say “[her name]” again.
Oh, please, let’s talk about the elephant in the room.
For if we talk about her death,
Perhaps we can talk about her life.
Can I say “[her name]” to you and not have you look away:
For if I cannot,
then you are leaving me alone…
in a room…
with an elephant.

But mostly, this was a weekend to focus on having fun and being together. We rented a bouncy castle for the kids, and they wore themselves out with their jumping.

Here are some photos from our weekend:

Bouncy castle - the kids jumped and jumped. 

The De Boers

The Janssens

The Duncans - yes, we're still missing a few families here. We also did a  large photo with all 27 of us. And some shots with just the grandkids and Grandma and Grandpa, and just the siblings with Mom and Dad. 

Then, photos with Grandma. We were doing fine until Natalie went to have a photo with Grandma.
She got a little emotional.  Brave girl, she kept smiling even while her eyes filled with tears.
The Kleenex came out then.

Harmony took this photo because Morgan looked so cute crying.
We didn't stop to find out what was wrong. Probably a boo boo!

Grandma can fix it!

Remember the flowered dresses of the early 90's? We were remembering family photos where everyone wore a different flowered dress. So Sandra came out with an old bridesmade dress! Pretend the rest of us are also wearing Laura Ashley dresses! We had a good laugh about that. You can't see the HUGE bow on the back of Sandra's dress. Your loss.

The kids painted stones that afternoon. When Mom was in the hospital, there was a healing garden outside the hospital where people could paint stones with the names of their loved ones. 

The kids presented their stones to Grandma - now she can have her own healing garden at home.

Ribs for supper! Yumm

The grown ups got to sit at a table.

Our church service

Campfire at night - we never do anything small - this is a 300 lb tree in the fire pit.

Family Times

It is a bittersweet season for our family. On one hand, we are all together. Often. Having one family live so far away in New Zealand, this is not something we take for granted. Of course, knowing that Mom's time is growing shorter with us makes it all very special. For me, it feels like dusk, that part of the day when late afternoon intersects with evening as the day draws to a close, and the light grows more golden, suffusing everything with a golden glow.

Because Mom is doing so well right now, it is joyful to have her with us and to be all together, even though I have moments when I remember that she will leave us and I am sad.  Mom's gut is working really well right now. The steroids are quite helpful, though they have the side effect of causing a bit of puffiness in Mom's face, which Mom has pointed out has erased her wrinkles. However, Mom has noticed the ascites coming back, the fluid in her abdomen produced by cancer, so we can't quite forget the cancer's there. And she's quite tired at times. In spite of that, she is doing really well, and we are having wonderful times as a family. I feel blessed. The verses from Lamentations 3: 19-26 seem very descriptive of this season:

I remember my affliction and my wandering,

the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them, 

and my soul is downcast within me.

Yet this I call to mind

and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord's great love

we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him."

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him

to the one who seeks him;

it is good to wait quietly

for the salvation of the Lord.

God seems close to us, and every day is filled with new mercies and new blessings. We have joy in these days. Here are some pictures from the last few weeks:

On Saturday, May 26, many of us got together at Mom and Dad's house to
celebrate Cohen's first birthday. One of the presents he got was a drum set.

He is a natural!

Everyone had donuts (a tradition around the Visscher household for birthdays!).

Four generations.

It was cousin Wina's last day before she went back to Holland.

No visit is complete without photos with the flowers!

Or painting toenails!

Smiles with Owen

On another day, Mom and Aunt Wilma made a rhubarb pie with rhubarb from the back yard.
Mom has a running rivalry with Jake Bosch (neighbours and childhood friends) about rhubarb pie.
Will the pie be good enough for Jake? 

All smiles with Jake and Alice Bosch - must have been a good pie!

On Tuesday, June 5 we met at the Toronto Zoo. Mom and Dad, all 14 grandkids,
 and most of the kids and spouses. It's quite a caravan! 

Dad pushed Mom around all day. In a nice way!

With 14 kids, 13 adults, 5 strollers, and one wheelchair,
sometimes it was hard to end up in the same place.

It gave the grandkids time to be together and be with grandma.

Even though sometimes we got tired! 

The hippo was also tired. 

The girls pose for photos easier than the boys. For some reason, I don't think
I have any photos of the boys together!

Mom and Owen