Ups and Downs

Well, it's amazing how things can flip flop so suddenly.

Last week we were basking in the good news from the doctor. Mom is stable and all is well.

Then, the nurse called with the results from the CA125 (the ovarian cancer marker). It had doubled in the last three weeks from 500 to over 1000. Not good. It means the disease is progressing. And Mom is noticing it - she is having more symptoms and more pain. Some of it seems to be a side effect from the antibiotic and some from the cancer - who knows. In the mean time, Mom and Dad were given some options to ponder - one route is chemo and the other is drugs that help control the symptoms.

The chemo options (three different kinds) all have significant side effects, like nausea, tiredness, diarrhea, and hair loss. Chemo is a good option when there is a chance of chasing back the disease. But it seems like too many side effects for too little gain. Chemo would mean times of illness, when Mom is already not feeling well, with little hope of results. So Mom and Dad made the difficult decision to say no to any more chemo.  As a result, they are transitioning into working more with the palliative care team at the hospital instead of the clinical trials team. This means getting used to who to call when for what medical issues. Pray for peace and wisdom for Mom and Dad as they maneuver this transition.  

I was thinking about this on my way home today after visiting, and I was thinking how it's just plain scary.  We don't know what lies ahead. We don't know the timing of anything, and we don't know what Mom's body is going to do. How much worse will it get? Will Mom be able to handle it? Will we be able to love and support her as she needs? I don't want to see Mom get more sick or have pain. 

Today Mom, Aunt Wilma and I were working on a photo album of the last several months. When Mom went into the hospital on May 2, it didn't look good. Mom asked the Lord for her birthday (65!) and to spend time altogether as a family. We had an amazing party for Mom and we enjoyed several weeks with Harmony and her family. Mom got to meet her youngest grandchild. We took great family photos with all of us together. God has been so faithful. Everything Mom asked for - and more - was given!


And as I drove home, worries swirling, I remembered that the Bible says that Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I realized that though we have fears for tomorrow, if I look back to yesterday, I see a photo album full of pictures showing the goodness of God. And the same loving God who was with us at Mom's wonderful birthday will also be with us as she gets more sick. He doesn't change. 


So I'm curious to see what this will look like in the days to come. I'd like to say I have faith that God will be with us through everything that lies ahead. I do believe that, but Lord, help me in my unbelief. You can pray that we as a family are aware of God with us every step of the way. Especially Mom and Dad.
Jeanette