Changes

Things have changed so much in one week.

Last weekend was a big change for Mom. She began to sleep more, and we realized that our window of being able to talk with Mom was growing smaller. Many of us siblings were able to come visit with her last weekend. It was tiring, but ok with Mom. My kids said Grandma seemed tired and less able to smile. She was able to talk and engage with us.

Today, I put my ear right in front of her lips in order to hear her whisper. She is not able to move around much. She can't use the walker anymore. This morning she sat on it and we used it as a wheelchair to move her. There have been big changes in one week.

Mom is sleeping most of the time, and we realized this week that she is detaching from us. This is common in the dying process, but it caught us a bit off guard earlier this week. She isn't interested in conversations or joking. Palliative care books have compared the dying process to having a baby. There comes a point in labour where the mother shuts out the world around her as she focuses on birthing the baby. Helpful husbands are swatted away. In the same way, the dying person has a small focus, busy preparing for death inside, but not communicating this to the people around. Lots of noise and conversations are bothersome. So we're doing our best to give Mom a quiet room. We are normally a noisy family, so now we are learning to talk quietly around her and we try to limit our conversations to simple things like "I love you" or meeting her physical needs.

This has been hard (many tears!). We think ahead of Mom going to heaven. I like this verse in John 14. The subtitle in the NIV version of the bible is "Jesus comforts his disciples." I think he comforts us too when he says, "Don't let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My father's house has many rooms. If this were not so, would I tell you I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me, that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."