Good Days, Bad Days

The oncologist told Mom this week that she will have a mix of good days and bad days. The day she saw the doctor, it was a bad day. She was vomiting constantly. Mom wanted to cancel the appointment, but when the nurses heard she was vomiting, they asked her to come in anyways. They found her a bed, gave her an iv, and checked her over for a bowel obstruction. Nothing major to worry about at this time. The doctor said Mom's gut is full of cancer, and things just don't work very well anymore. And he said she doesn't need to try to come in to London again, as the trip is too long and tiring. They will coordinate her care with her doctor in Exeter.

Mom is weakening, which is hard to see. She says, "I used to have such a good body." Mom and Dad always went for nice walks, but now we take her to the mailbox in the wheelchair. It's hard to adjust to this. I said to her the other day, "Well, hopefully tomorrow you'll feel stronger." But Mom said, "I'm afraid that isn't the way it is going." And she is right - the doctor said she won't be regaining the strength she is losing. I have to find new ways to comfort. We are used to saying to a sick person some variation of  "Tomorrow you will feel better." But that doesn't quite work for a person whose body is slowly shutting down.

Though I have seen other cancer patients go into the slow wasting phase at the end of their disease, to be honest, I didn't expect this with Mom. In May, when Mom went into the hospital, it appeared that a bowel obstruction would be her "exit." A bowel obstruction is a crisis. Everyone expected that the bowel obstruction would come back, as they usually flip between partial and total. Then Mom came home from the hospital, and we had some wonderful family time together. But now she is weakening. The catheter has been a good improvement on Mom's quality of life, but when they drain her abdomen to make her more comfortable, they are also taking nutrients away from her body (the ascites is rich in protein and other nutrients). So her muscles are getting weaker. Her feet and legs have also started to swell recently. It is an adjustment to get used to this new phase.

To be honest, I kind of expected Mom to go out in a blaze of glory, not slowly dwindle away with many sick and uncomfortable days. Kind of like Elijah in the Bible, who didn't die but got taken up to heaven in a blazing chariot. We've had days when Mom and I have cried on Skype together because it is a bad day and it just seems so difficult. On those days, we long for Jesus to take her to heaven. I now understand the spiritual "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot." (Swing Low, Sweet chariot, Coming for to carry me home...). It's a prayer, and a plea. Does Mom have to go through months of suffering, or can Jesus just send his chariot to carry her home?

I was talking about this with Mom the other day, and Mom reminded me of the verse in Jeremiah 29:  "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope." And she said that if God is choosing to keep her here, that He must still have plans for her to fulfill before she is done her earthly journey. And she rests her hope in that.

But though we have some bad days, we also have good days. On a good day, Mom enjoys watching the birds and her flowers. And she even managed to have a really fun day this week! Mom went to an anniversary celebration from several friends, Jake & Alice Bosch and Marg & Kees Vandaalen. They were all married the same year. On the menu was salad (with other food), which Mom can't have, so she invited Aunt Jean to come along as her "Salad Eater." Then, because it was the 41st anniversary, and Paper is for the first anniversary, they decided to make a paper bag for Aunt Jean's head, labeling her as the official "Salad Eater." They neglected to put holes in the bag, so they had to lead Aunt Jean in. Anyways, they had a lot of fun with that. That was a good day! They laughed so much and had fun together with their crazy antics. I'll put some photos of that below, and also of Mom enjoying her flowers.

Mom is resting more, and has more appointments at home with the nurse, so if you wish to visit, please call ahead. We appreciate your prayers through this time of tough days and also good days. Thank you,
Jeanette 

The paper anniversary gift bag, for Aunt Jean. 
Aunt Wilma made this (yes, she is talented!)

Fitting Aunt Jean.

They forgot to add eye-holes so they had to lead her around.

Mom and her flowers.